A Weekend away. A comparison of old and new
To wrap this up is the final three pages. Pages 4 to 6
This page is pretty much unchanged. Extra care was taken to prevent the background and foreground getting mixed up.
Some small but I feel significant changes here. Panel 1, I took out the heroine that way we, the reader is placed in her shoes and the boy is talking to us. This way the reader isn't trying to look past her shoulder and head to see the action.
Panel 2&3 are the same except for the heroine is now looking where she's running.
Panels 4,5 & 6 I altered the panel sizes, this way things don't feel as cramped.
Also I purposely left no room for dialogue as there is none for these 3 panels.
I wanted the final panels, 7&8 to be more connected with the characters talking before a small action that requires neither character to move from the spot.
Final one, again some small changes I felt it would be better to include the two heroes in panel 2.
Though I usually don't like seeing the back of character's heads I thought it was appropriate in this case. The boy stands rooted looking in awe at the fire works and I thought this would be best left to the reader's imagination. This contrasts with the heroine who's already past caring and has turned away to smugly blow the smoke from a flare gun.
The villain is given more room for his monologue and also is seen departing but there is a sense that he's close enough to the explosion that it illuminates him.
The final panel is again very similar but shows the heroes returning to the Trusted Lion rather than waiting and chatting.